Transformation or Death chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Good Madness

 

“Wow…”

 

The path back was a bridge built over the river. The tense thread snapped and my legs also lost strength. My legs, which already had aftereffects, became as unsteady as a candle in the wind when the strength left them.  

 

I barely grabbed the railing and leaned against it to catch my breath. 

 

Of course, I had canceled the transformation.

 

“I almost died…”

 

Die, die. I’ve heard it too much recently. It didn’t feel real.

 

Now I know for sure. 

 

Death is truly terrifying. The top priority for a living being is survival. For that, they have evolved, formed societies, and developed.

 

So what I just did was denying the history of life built up so far.

 

To put it crudely, it was a suicidal act.

 

Thinking about it dispassionately, there was no act of madness greater than this.

 

In a state where I still couldn’t properly use my powers, I charged at the constellation-level villains.

 

“If it weren’t for that bastard, I would have died.”

 

I should be grateful to that crazy bastard, the Guardian of Balance and a masochist. If I actually fought with him there, I might have had an unexpectedly good chance of winning. The problem is, even if I beat them both, in a one-on-one situation I would be killed by Paradox.

 

I survived thanks to the whim of the Dilemma.

 

It was shameful but not too regretful.

 

Still, it remained the best judgment I could make at the time. 

 

I left no room for cooperation.

 

‘Those crazy bastards probably won’t invite me suddenly now.’

 

Instead, it’s a confirmed fight the moment we run into each other on the street, but well, they were enemies anyway.

 

“70 billion…”

 

What I regretted more was that amount.

 

“I should have taken it and run… ah shit… 70 billion…”

 

I was regretting it madly.

 

I should have just taken it, activated Megrez, and sped off on my bike.

 

Of course, if I had done that, that Libra bastard who prefers fair compensation wouldn’t have let me off.

 

But how often in my life would I get to handle that much money?

 

It would be no easy feat even for a magical girl who appears in the media all the time with ads and whatnot.

 

Putting it bluntly, before I was possessed…

 

I…

 

“…?”  

 

What was I doing for a living?

 

Oh right. I was working part-time jobs and preparing for civil service exams.

 

At that age, working in dimly lit places like kitchens because I didn’t want to show my face in public, studying for the exams in my spare time.

 

Come to think of it, those are pathetic memories.

 

I shook my head to brush off those memories.

 

Now that I think about it, my life wasn’t too different from Han Jae-jung’s. I feel a sense of kinship.  

 

Is that why I was possessed?

 

Anyway.

 

Mulling over the regret of making 70 billion won disappear into thin air, I called out to my belt.

 

“Hey Belt.”

 

The smooth metal ball that had been flying over the river immediately came right up to my face at my call.

 

[What can I do for you?]  

 

“Quest reward. Was that a piece of a star?”

 

The belt answered in its still mechanical voice.

 

[That’s correct. You can collect pieces of stars from the villains you defeat and ultimately complete a star.]

 

“Then why didn’t you tell me until now?”  

 

This belt had deceived me.

 

While that assumption existed, another assumption dominated my mind.

 

[It would be too burdensome for the current Guardian.]

 

I’m not up to that level yet.

 

‘As expected.’

 

I nodded at the expected answer. It left a bitter taste.

 

My Seven Stars Step Kick, infused with all my rage and unleashed at full power, only had a 30% manifestation rate. The manifestation rate of Reverse Star, which I’m most familiar with, peaked at 58%.  

 

Dire numbers.

 

What good is being at the Seven Star level? The person manifesting that power can’t even handle half of it.

 

What was I meant to manifest in the first place?

 

What guardian?

 

I’m the one who needs guarding right now, or else I’ll die.

 

I’m branded a villain by the magical girls, an outcast to the Dilemmas.

 

I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be guarding. I wish someone would guard me first.

 

Oh poor me.

 

Save me.

 

“Ah, no!”  

 

Just as I was having those thoughts, someone grabbed me from behind and slammed me to the ground. An assassination attempt?  

 

I snapped to attention and looked up to see a somewhat familiar face there.

 

“…Vega?”

 

“No, you mustn’t commit suicide!” With her transformation undone, there were no inhuman fantastical red hair and conspicuous dress, but I could still recognize her. With ordinary black hair whipping around, she told me firmly, “Mr. Han Jae-jung. No matter how hard things get, you can’t try to die!”  

 

It seems she mistook me staring blankly at the river while muttering for attempting suicide.

 

“Ah, it’s not like that.”  

 

“Don’t lie! Because of my inept counseling, you weren’t able to heal your emotional scars at all and wandered the night streets only to impulsively try throwing yourself into the river!”

 

“Your imagination is quite specific. I really wasn’t…”

 

I was just talking to my Belt. Before that, I had a confrontation with a villain and was completely drained of strength.

 

‘If I say that, I sound like a lunatic.’

 

It’s not like I’m advertising the villain I encountered today either. 

 

I quickly chose my words carefully. “This river… it’s just so beautiful… so I was admiring it for a bit…”

 

A poor lie. I realized it as I uttered it.

 

‘I wonder if she’ll believe it…?’

 

With a glimmer of hope, I looked at Red Vega. For a moment she seemed skeptical, blinking her eyes and meeting my gaze. Finding it burdensome, I averted my gaze, only for her to shed chicken-dropping-sized tears.  

 

“Don’t liieee…”

 

Dammit. As expected, she doesn’t believe me.

 

Overcome with self-loathing or shock, she clung tightly to my sleeve, not letting go, tears streaming down her face.

 

“I really mean it though…”

 

“Death is really scary… So, so scary… You can’t die…”  

 

“I won’t die, I won’t.”

 

As long as you all don’t attack me, that is. Holding back the rest, I tried to console her.

 

“Look. I’m really okay.”

 

“I’m really a pitiful person!! I couldn’t even save one person so I’m disqualified as a magical girl! From now on I’m sure to only fail!!!”  

 

“No, look here.”

 

This will drive me crazy. What do I do about this?

 

A guy in his mid-20s making a high school girl cry late at night. No matter how you look at it, it’s not a good picture. I looked around considering my options.

 

“Ah, over there!”  

 

“…Huh?”  

 

“Food! I promised to treat you to something delicious next week, right!” Damn tongue. Flowing much more smoothly than when I was lying earlier. Grumbling complaints at my bodily organ, I shouted out. “I will treat you to that right now!”

 

***    

Ippotranslation

***

  

Hurrr

“…Is it delicious?”

“Wow, it’s amazing.” She sluggishly finished off the cup ramen and gave me a thumbs up. 

Red Vega didn’t seem too pleased for some reason.

“I could have bought you something better…”

“What restaurant is open this late? Even if one is, it would just be a bar, which is a bit awkward to go to.”

“B-But still! I make good money!” 

“I’m sure you do, since you’re a magical girl.”

I saw your face on so many posters and billboards today.

Thanks to that, my sense of familiarity with you has built up well.

It took so much effort to settle on the convenience store after Vega insisted on taking me to a restaurant. After all, an adult can’t take advantage of a child like that.

The bickering seemed to have calmed her down considerably compared to before.

“Mr. Han Jae-jung. You think I’m just a kid, don’t you?”

“Legally, you’re not an adult, are you?”

“But I’m a magical girl! I take down villains! I protect people! You don’t need to show me any consideration, Mr. Han!”

“Well, we should still be considerate of each other.”

“I mean you don’t need to accommodate me!”

I just gave an awkward laugh in response to Vega’s words. I’m not disabled or anything, I can get by just fine. 

“Ah, you still don’t believe me? Okay, I’ll show you! I’ll show you right here and now just how perfect a magical girl I am…”

“Don’t transform. It’ll draw people’s attention.”

“…Understood.”  

As red starlight gathered around her hands like a meteor shower, I quickly objected. Look how bright that is. It’s a light that would suck in camera lenses like a gravitational field.

In situations like this, I can’t help but be considerate.

“Sorry, but I can’t really handle that kind of public attention.”

And being the subject of gossip.

It’s an awkward existence, whenever I think about it.

I’m the complete opposite of them shining their light wherever they go. I should avoid getting too entangled with them in my private life.

But then how do I provide care for the magical girls so they don’t die?

‘…I don’t know. I guess I’ll just help by fighting.’

If my primary goal is survival and my secondary goal is to fully master this power, then my ultimate goal is to change the conclusion of this world.

I have to eliminate any variable that interferes with my survival.

To do that, I’ll have to kill all the dilemma villains.

With the power of the Big Dipper, it’s possible. I clenched my fist tightly under the table.

“S-Sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize. You didn’t know. I’ll appreciate it if you show consideration from now on.”

Silence fell along with the chilly night breeze.

The scene from today’s counseling session overlapped in my mind. Unlike the original, Red Vega seemed more gloomy than passionate.

It was probably because of the defeat I handed her for the first time.

I felt guilty.

“Um, Vega…”

If there’s one common trait among all magical girls, it’s that they feel happiness in helping others.

This altruism is the key to making their starlight shine more beautifully, and what allows them to differ from villains.

“You were really amazing today. To be honest, I hesitated a bit on the bridge. Thanks to you, I realized how terrifying death is. I won’t try anything like that again.”  

“…! Really?”

“Thank you for saving me today. You were right. I definitely feel better after talking to someone.”

“Hehe, really! Well of course! Any magical girl would do the same!”  

In other words, just knowing that their actions helped someone is enough to restore their self-esteem.

The part about attempting suicide was a lie, but from her perspective it was the truth, so if I, the one she saved, show remorse and gratitude, it would bring her considerable joy.

“Don’t ever do it again, okay? Oh right! Want to exchange contact info? If you ever have troubles again, I can counsel you anytime…”

As expected, Red Vega’s expression brightened considerably. I deliberately ignored the latter part and continued praising her. “Just looking down from that bridge was so terrifying for me, you must be really amazing to fight villains that are scary every day, even with that fear.”

“Ah, no.”

Red Vega scratched her head shyly, like a character in a comic.

“Villains aren’t scary! And neither is death!”  

“…Even death?” I inadvertently asked again in earnest, surprised.

“Of course! I’m a magical girl! I can’t hesitate when it comes to protecting people! Don’t worry Mr. Han, if you’re ever attacked by a villain, I’ll gladly lay down my life to protect you!”

“Wow…you’re really brave…”

“Hehe, right? Right!”

I clapped as she proudly struck poses, thinking to myself.

‘She’s insane.’

Ever since watching the original, I felt that all heroes are basically mentally ill to some degree.  

To choose protecting others over the self-preservation instinct that any living being should prioritize, that’s just pure benevolent madness.

I respected Vega’s willingness to protect people without a care for her own life, but I also pitied her in a way.

What an unfortunate existence.

***

Ippotranslation

***

Of course, I’m in no position to pity anyone.  

Since it was late, I declined Vega’s offer to walk me home and headed into an abandoned factory instead.  

[Multiple starforce signatures detected.]

As expected, a major villain hotspot.

Following Belt’s guidance, I arrived to find a swarm of C-grade villains.  

I gave up on sleeping tonight. I’ll go to the bank first thing tomorrow to check my balance, then sprawl out on a park bench to sleep.

Instead of sleep, I chose to spend that time experimenting.

Noticing my presence, a bug-like villain started charging at me.  

“Transform.”

[ASTRONOMICAL OBSERVATION.]  

Seven colorful stars burst forth from the belt, swimming through the air. Those stars rushed at the approaching villain, knocking it back.

Boom!

Emitting sparks and flames, the villain tumbled across the floor. But it didn’t seem too injured on the surface.  

‘As expected, the transformation of defensive attacks alone can’t defeat villains.’

The stars that knocked back the villain returned to envelop my body.

I was starting to get used to the green armor and black skin, the red lenses blinking as they scanned them.

[THE BIG DIPPER.]

“Have any of you ever seen the stars?”  

I stretched out my finger to point at them. I couldn’t pinpoint a specific target, there were too many. I liked that even more.

Just how much could I utilize this power now, and what was its full might?  

Such an intriguing topic of inquiry.

“Allow me to turn you into stars.”  

With a smirk hidden behind my mask, I illuminated the abandoned factory with starlight.

Who knows how many hours passed.

The factory that had been teeming with villains was now full of ashes, pockmarked with dents and bent steel beams everywhere.  

Sunlight poured in through a rusted ventilation shaft.  

I had stayed transformed until morning for the second day in a row.

“Whew…I’m tired.”

I feigned wiping away non-existent sweat and let out a grunt. My physical stamina remained, but the mental fatigue was considerable.  

With the experiments now over, I tried to release my transformation, but.

Thunk.

The crisp sound of shoes against the ground shattered the morning twilight, making me quickly withdraw my hand from the belt.

“Who’s there?”

“Someone you ignored yesterday.”

From those shoes emanated a chilling aura that made my body shudder.  

Frost was actually spreading thickly around them.

“It seems our junior was in your debt. That’s been weighing on my mind.”  

A chill ran down my spine, not from the cold, but from the discomfort.

“I even tried talking to you just the other day, but was ignored. Such a sad thing.”  

I tried to use Alkaid, turning the buckle, but it wouldn’t activate. 

[Quest triggered. ALKAID usage is temporarily restricted.]

‘Oh shit.’

A pristine white dress. A blue sapphire adorning its center. Pale skin with silver necklaces and earrings. Blue ribbons let down long instead of tied up, exuding an elegant aura. Hair and eyes the color of the arctic ocean.  

Blue Sirius.

“The azure giant star, Blue Sirius.”

She declared, raising her main weapon, the rapier.

[Flee from Blue Sirius.]

“In the name of the stars, I will defeat you.”

The discomfort was maddening.